Why Do I Write?


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That’s a question that many have asked me and they have gotten the same answer each time. I have always answered because it’s what I love to do but as many times as I have said it, I never really understood what I was saying. A very odd thing but up until a little over a year ago I didn’t understand what it was really like to feel anything, I mean I had emotions but I keep them on a tight leach, I control everything my every thought, dream, even my day dreams was under my control. I was so caught up in controlling everything that I could never really understand what it was like to truly feel anything. But it took getting an illness that took my control for me to see what I was missing.

Oddly enough, I was in a hospital bed laying trying desperately to move my leg but no matter what I did, it wouldn’t work. But oddly enough even though I couldn’t feel anything In most of my body I felt a strand pull as if someone was pulling away my control and that’s when it happened. I tried to push with everything I had then something inside snapped. Suddenly for a few minutes, I had lost all control of everything for the first time in my life to my knowledge. My body lay still as if it were dead, but my mind was lost in a sea of emotions. Something I had never felt, my whole mind was consumed, a horrible yet amazing feeling as all my surprised emotions for so many years rushed over my mind, all at once. I felt so many different things in that short moment, it was more than I knew how to handle I could do nothing but let it rush over me.

After that moment, my ability to shut off everything I feel at a moment’s notice no longer works, and even though that means I am no longer in complete control, something that would have drove me crazy before it doesn’t bother me at all. And the reason is simple because now when I write I can truly take joy in what I do.

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