Well it’s a new day today and I’m not as sad, very stressed but not to sad, it feels weird to be dealing with something anything at all I am just so use to not processing anything bad and just acting like it never happened. Now that I am forced to deal with what’s happening to me I feel lost in my mind, I know everyone around me wants to help me and it makes me feel a little better but at the same time it makes me sad that I need help. For so much of my life I have never asked for help but I would always be the first to help no matter what I was doing or what I was going through. Now I feel so stuck because the one thing that defines me as a person is I am the person that will help everyone, but right now I can’t even help myself.
I learned a few things today though, mostly about myself as I sat in church and listen doing my best not to move so I wouldn’t lose control of my arm or leg. It was odd the thoughts that came to mind was about last month when I was at the eye doctors, and them sending me back and forth for different test to see what was wrong with my eye. I remember after they had told me the nerves in my eye was damaged and not my eye itself, that I was ready to be done with writing for good.it wasn’t something I was planning on doing simply cause my eyes were damaged but it was because I had lost my drive to do it. The worst part was last week as I was in the hospital my mind shut out everything I had learn to enjoy and writing being one of them that are at the top I decided that I was going to stop everything once I got home.
Needless to say that didn’t go how I had planned it to go at all, seeing that I found myself writing more than I had done in a very long time, though my mind wasn’t clear or even flowing like it does normally, there was nothing else I could do. I thought about last night and being up most of the night trying to sleep and deciding that since I can’t I might as well do something useful. I did some work on my site and decided that I return to the reason for staring this site, which was to help others in ways I can weather it be just a thought to help someone get through the day or whether it be helping others with getting their websites or just things that I have some knowledge about started.
So I am going to finish the work I started on this site and help anyone else who wants my help. I will be looking to add some functions to the site to make it more interactive and user-friendly. I haven’t as yet decided what is going to be added but I will start adding things in this coming week.
